Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
