I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
