btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
