No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
