My room smells like vodka and shame
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
