First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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