Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
