I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
