dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
