I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
