The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
