I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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