I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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