Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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