I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
