marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
