so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize