Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize