i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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