I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
this boner is exhausting
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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