it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Randomize
