Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
