Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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