God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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