blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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