The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
