Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
