So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
