I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
