That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize