Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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