i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
