Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My dad just said "fuck circus"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize