id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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