You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
