dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
