That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
