I hate your face
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize