Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
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Do I have a choice?
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Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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