dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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