o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
