I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
