Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize