woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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