Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
