Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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