hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Nicole vs. Life
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
