im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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