Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize