Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You did what with his pubic hair?
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