apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
