I wanna bring you to show and tell
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
