Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize