If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
