Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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