So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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