even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
