White coat. Heels.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
