I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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