theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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