Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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