I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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