she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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