Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
