Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
