Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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