I could make wine with my vomit
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
