thus making me awesome and them whores
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
