He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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