Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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