I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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