Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
