Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
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