I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
