So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize