I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
