just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
