So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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