I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
