I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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