I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
