YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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