I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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