you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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