dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
