I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
