Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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