I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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