That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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