I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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