True but thats because hes a fetus.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
