I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
