Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
