i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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