I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize