I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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