Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
